AWOL

2013 was going to be a fresh start for me completely, both with my personal life and also with my Diabetes. Everything was getting me down, I'd have a couple of okay weeks then the feelings of failure being unable to cope with D would get to me.

I'd love to say these feelings have gone completely, however I don't think they ever will. The thing that I find hardest about Diabetes is remembering that I have a lifetime to deal with it. Trying to get a HbA1c of 7 is a goal for down the road, any decrease is an improvement. Diabetes is a bloody long drawn out marathon, not a sprint.

Don't get me wrong this year hasn't been all doom and gloom at all, in fact the last few month's have been pretty damn good :)

I now have a new special someone in my life who knew nothing about Diabetes whatsoever when he met me... he's incredibly patient and understanding, trying to understand the ins and outs of having a Diabetic girlfriend. Watching him frown and trying to understand the quirks of D has been very entertaining! :) My first hypo in front of him wasn't exactly a barrel of laughs, and I kept having to tell him to stop looking so worried as it was starting to worry me, even though I knew I'd be fine in a few minutes xD

This year has also seen a change in my D gadgets, since my diagnosis 4 years ago (holy crap that's gone fast...) I've always had my NovoRapid and Lantus flexi pens. At my last hospital appointment one of the women I met suggested the NovoEcho pen which is a half-unit pen. I saw my GP a couple of months ago and was lucky enough to have it prescribed straight away, along with doubling my test strip allowance!!!

I've found that my hypo's have drastically reduced in the past few months and I think the Echo has helped a lot with that. I'm only having 3/4 hypo's a month at the most and they are only in the high 3's. On the downside, my meter average doesn't look brilliant at the moment as I'm still trying to get my post-meal readings down.. but you can't have a perfect balance all the time!

Last week I was explaining injections and pumps to one of my work colleagues, and afterwards I realised that the thought of a pump hadn't freaked me out as it once used to... Being attached to it constantly, tubing getting caught and pictures of messy sites were reasons that I wanted to stay on MDI but now I'm becoming more open to the idea. I don't want to be SWAGing with my pens for the rest of my days, I'd like to have better control. I have my annual Diabetes MOT later this month with my DSN so I'm going to bite the bullet and get some more information about possibly joining #teampump (OMG SCARY BUT IN A GOOD WAY!)

Finally, after at least a couple of years saying I wanted to do something to raise money for Diabetes UK I'm finally doing it!

Tomorrow! :O

I realise it's not Mount Kilimanjaro or running 10 marathons... however a 5k fun run is good enough for me to start with! My sister and I are both taking part and have almost raised £300 for Diabetes UK which is nearly £100 more than our original target :) If you would like to donate please go to www.justgiving.com/teapot8909 - every donation is hugely appreciated.

Lots of blue clothes and accessories for us both, hopefully pictures and a decent time to report back on tomorrow!

Results

Wednesay was HbA1c results day for me, and I have to admit I was bricking it.

The thought of it going up again got me panicked. I had my bloods taken before my holiday as I'd had a pretty good few weeks beforehand and didn't want my holiday to be taken into account. A couple of the guys at work even noticed I was a little on edge.. so I must have been bad!

Shortly after arriving my dad turned to me and said "isn't that one of your muckers from work?". I looked around and couldn't see anyone. Turns out one of the sales people I work with also had his appointment that afternoon. He's a man in his early 50s, and likes to think he's my work dad so took great delight in seeing me and sitting right with us. To top the moment off the nurse came along with a piddle pot for me.. All I heard was "Errrrrrr Ems!!"

Arrghh! *dies of embarrassment*

So move into the other waiting room and two ladies who I've never met before come out and call my name. I jumped up feeling a little like I'd been called into the Headteachers office.. Turns out they were both new and just wanted to check how I was doing, and if I had any questions or concerns. Really I could have done with the chat AFTER getting my results xP

After talking through BG results, carb counting, annual checks and holiday stuff, one of the ladies suggested a NovoRapid Echo pen (a half-unit pen if you've not heard of them). She said it might help me with more precise carb-counting as a full unit can often be too much or too little. So next week I'm going to make an appointment with my GP to see if I can get them on my prescription, along with some more test strips (getting fed up of my chemist constantly not having them ready when I need them, 100 strips just doesn't last long enough).

Finally the consultant calls my name, and after the usual questions (What units of Lantus are you taking/are you still carb counting/do you have any concerns or problems) I get told that my HbA1c has dropped from 8.4% to 8.2%. I know that any drop is a great result, but I can't shift the feeling of disappointment that it hasn't gone down a little more. 8.2% is where I was this time last year.

I admit this to my consultant, explaining that I'd had a great few weeks before my bloods so was expecting a little more of a drop (only like another 0.1% or so - nothing major). I asked if my bloods could be spiking too much between BG tests resulting in a higher average. A blank face looked back at me, and all I got was "well if your meter results are coming back good then you should be fine".

So I came out feeling a little.. deflated. I find it a lot easier talking to my local GP/Diabetic Nurse as they're a lot more approachable, so am saving my questions for them. I know consultants have to see so many patients in an afternoon, but making me feel like I'm on a conveyorbelt isn't going to encourage me to speak more frankly about my Diabetes.

Have A Nice Day

I've been a pretty rubbish blogger this year. Sitting down to write a post but letting things distract me or just putting it off until tomorrow, then the next day yaddayadda <insert more excuses> I'm not the most open and trusting person on the planet, so sitting down to write how I'm feeling isn't the most appealing thing. However I've gotten a little better thanks to the people I've 'met' online with their constant encouragement, whatever the situation.

Seeing that the Fourth Annual Diabetic Blog Week had come round again already to me was fate, and time that I got my butt back on here!

DBW was created by the amazing Karen at Bitter Sweet encouraging bloggers to share their own unique stories and insights on particular D (and non-D) related subjects. It's a great opportunity to connect with other PWD and see how they deal with their D. All of the sign-up information and post topics are available over at Bitter Sweet :)

As for little old me (24 next month.. Oh my freaking gawwdd!) I'm doing okay at the mo. I got my eye screening results back last month and have reversed the background retinopathy found last year =D

*do a little dance*
*make a little...
BACK TO TOPIC!

The holiday to Florida that I've been worrying and panicking about for months has sadly been and gone :( However it was a very different trip from the last one. I got advice from the Diabetic Nurse at my local surgery after finding various different methods of dealing with time zones etc online. She took note of everything I currently did and suggested sticking with injecting at UK time (around 4/5pm USA time). After a few bumpy days of BG results (and one case where I remembered my Lantus 3 hours after it was due.. Doh!) things started to settle. I actually had a few no hitter days!

I went with a completely different attitude, I wasn't going to work my holiday around my D. D was going to have to fit in with me. Last time I was constantly testing and correcting, this time I tested when I needed to. I was a lot more relaxed, a lot more in control and had a lovely time with my family. My parents commented a couple of times of the massive change since our last vacation, which was lovely to hear :)

The bloods for my latest HbA1c were taken before I left for my hols (just in case it was a disaster) so I'm hoping for a reduction since last time, my average when I left was 7.9 so fingers, toes and everything crossed. My BGs have taken a few days to settle after getting home, so I'm now trying to get back into the swing of things and get my average back down. 

I've also found an event I'm going to take part in later this year to raise money for Diabetes UK (nothing hardcore like a marathon I'm afraid!!). A local fun run is being held in October, so expect a post once I've signed up :)

It's good to be back.

Emma x

DSMA December Blog Carnival - Reflection

Can't believe it's December already, doesn't seem long ago since I was writing about my plans for 2012 and what I wanted to accomplish.

It's no secret that I've struggled with my Diabetes this year. I've shied away from the DOC, the forum and I've neglected my blog because... well I just didn't care. I went through the motions of looking after myself and stuck my Diabetes further and further down my list of priorities. Which is never a good thing.

Since getting run down, breaking down and finally talking to people I'm no longer going through the motions of caring about my Diabetes. My last HbA1c went up by 0.3% which was better than I expected.. but in the grand scheme of things, not really where I wanna be. I'm now carb counting better (I don't wanna be perfect at it, just a good guesstimator) which is already giving me better results.

My meter average has gone from around 10.x to 8.8 in the past few weeks, and now I'm more focused I'm hoping to get it down further.

There's only one person responsible for me, and that's ME!
So if I'm in LaLa land then shit's gonna hit the fan :)

2012 for me meant learning a lot of lessons.

So next year Teapot Diabetic is back with a vengance - Diabetes be afraid, be very afraid!

This post is my December entry in the DSMA Blog Carnival. If you’d like to participate too, you can get all of the information at http://diabetessocmed.com/2012/december-dsma-blog-carnival-2/

Shares in Kleenex

If someone where to ask me which of the Seven Dwarves I am today, it'd have to be

SNEEZY!!!!

For the past few days I've had a stinking cold which has meant lots of tissues, lots of coughing, glucoaster BG results and being off work. I hate being ill! A cold for me now doesn't mean a couple of days of sniffles and then I'm bright as a daisy again. It knocks me on my arse for at least a week, I go through two or three packets of cold/flu tablets and my nose ends up looking like a very famous reindeer...

It always happens just before I have my flu jab too! Mysterious coincedence or evil Diabetes Fairy sitting on her black cloud cackling away??

My 30-day average has now gone back to over 9.0mmol and my HbA1c is in December so will end up the same again or higher. I'm starting to dread my appointment already and I haven't even had the date through.

It's days like today where I really really wish I didn't have Diabetes. I hate it.

DSMA June Blog Carnival - The Dr Will See You Now....

This month's DSMA Blog carnival asks:
Do you get nervous or stressed when you have to go to your endo/doc appointment?
Why or why not? Be honest.

I had my latest appointment earlier this month for my HbA1c and it had gone up from 7.4% to 8.1% :(

I do get nervous and stressed about my appointments, because I always expect the worst, and I'm usually correct. My HbA1c has either stayed the same or drops then goes back up. I feel like I've tried so hard in the last couple of years and nothing seems to have really changed. I'm getting despondant and not snapping out of it. My levels have improved a lot in the past couple of months, but I'm not excited when my lower levels appear, or when I get a no-hitter.

I want to be where I was when I got excited.

I'm always honest with my Consultant, and he's always helpful with suggestions about how I can improve my regime. The only downside is that my appointments only seem to last 10-15 minutes, I spend more time in the waiting room that I do in the chair.. Is this the norm for PWD or am I being greedy in not wanting to feel like I'm on a patient conveyerbelt?

To make patients feel more at ease during their appointments, it would be nice to feel like you're really being listened to. Not like you're on a clock. Don't just offer suggestions then say "See you in 6 months". When I'm feeling like a complete failure for letting my HbA1c go back up, it'd be nice to be reassured =/

This post is my June entry in the DSMA Blog Carnival. If you’d like to participate too, you can get all of the information at http://diabetessocmed.com/2012/june-dsma-blog-carnival-2/

Blue Monday? Blue Tuesday? NO, Blue Fridays!

The lovely Cherise at Diabetic Iz Me has created Blue Fridays, an initiative to promote World Diabetes Day (November 14th) by getting everyone to wear blue on each Friday in November and also on the 14th itself.

Help promote both WDD and Blue Fridays by visiting their Facebook page and sharing/tweeting/blogging to spread the word. You can also post pictures of yourself on the site wearing your blue :)

I'd sooo love to do blue streaks in the barnet... but I don't think it'd go down well at work, so it'll just be blue clothes, blue nails and (if I can find any) blue jammies!! :D

Just a little update with me and the D..

I've been dreading my HbA1c for a little while now, it's been sticking around the 8/8.5% mark for the past few results and I was hoping desperately for a drop, even it was 0.1%! I've had a rough month professionally which has had a negative effect on my levels, especially the two weeks before my bloods were taken.

*cough* typical *cough*

My carb counting course helped my keep under 10mmol the vast majority of the time, so getting readings of 20mmol+ was pretty gutting. The stress has also taken its toll on my appetite, which brought ketones into the mix. I knew I had to keep eating but struggled a lot so I was having about half of my normal food.

Not exactly what you need before visiting the consultant!

Tested my ketones on that morning and got 0.4, so I knew I needed to get over what had happened before it affected my health further. I was expecting the worst when I arrived, however I was given a silver lining, and a HbA1c of 7.5%!

Since then I'm still running high than usual, however today I've had one reading of 10mmol and everything else below. So hopefully my rough patch is over and I can get back to the 5s and 6s I'd only just gotten used to! *crosses fingers*

But Baby It's Cold Outside...

The cuddly winter duvet is out and the lower levels are starting to kick in!
Over the past couple of days my highest level has been 7.5mmol which I'm very chuffed with. I did a lot of walking yesterday at Grimsthorpe Festival (which was awesome), which did induce a 2.9 hypo just before lunchtimem but apart from that I was around 5-7 for the rest of the day. It seems to have rubbed off on today's readings too with my highest being 7.1mmol :)

I'm hoping that with a little extra dog walking, these levels will continue in time for my HbA1c in October and also my adjusting course next week.

If the bloods that were taken a couple of weeks ago show my HbA1c has stayed the same or gone down I will be sooooo happy! It's been between 8.0 and 8.4mmol for months and months now so a drop would give me a little boost of confidence, that I'm heading in the right direction..

I'm very much looking forward to the PDAC course starting on Monday. Sometimes I feel like I'm doing everything right and then it suddenly goes to shit despite nothing changing. I'd like more guidance/advice on when I'm feeling ill, time difference and different temperatures - especially if I'm to venture abroad again without being worried 24/7 that my levels will shoot up.

I know I don't eat enough fruit and veg.. something which I'm trying (not much lately but will get back on it) to improve. I'm drinking a lot more water and exercising regularly much more than pre-D so I'm getting there slowly I hope.

A Right Royal Knees Up

Having a great week, the Diabetes Fairy is playing nice for a change!

Had my medication review on Tuesday and my GP is happy with my latest bloods, good liver and kidney function and cholesterol. Got my letter ready for Florida too which is another thing off the list of things to do. Less than 3 weeks to go now!! Apparently weather is going to be in the 80s/90s which is going to be brill :D

Consultant appointment on Wednesday was also good, my HbA1x has dropped from 8.4 to 8.0, not a significant drop but since December it seemed to have stuck at 8.4! He also said that he doesn't want to see me now for 6 months (instead of my usual 4) so I'm really pleased :)

Also found out that since my last visit in December I've lost 5lbs which I was chuffed with, as I'm not consciously trying to lose weight, just maintain. All together I've lost about 2 stone which I've kept off since diagnosis and I'm much happier with the way I look than when I was at school.

So to celebrate my good numbers me & Amy got a burger and chips from the local chippy and sat on the wellhead (local park). Sophisticated or what! ;)
Got home to find a mahoosive wedge of birthday cake from a relative so had a bit of that too!

Think I've finally figured out my lantus dose for leg site jabs, 24u seems to be the magic number at the moment. Waking levels are in the 5s and 6s which is much better than my previous 9-11mmol that I've been used to.. Had a hypo last night (3.5mmol) which pretty much wiped me out yesterday afternoon/evening, usually I need to get lower than that for it to affect me that much. I've also felt off when my sugars in the mid-teens, so I'm wondering if my body's starting to get used to the in range figures?

Hmm D is such a big ball of confusion!!

Enjoy your Bank Holiday weekends :) xxx

London Baby!

So this time last week I was recovering after a great day in London, (finally) meeting people from the forum and also from Circle D to celebrate Circle D's third birthday!

Felt incredibly nervous beforehand, despite having Amy with me as my plus on, but Shelley (Circle D Founder and D-Police for the day) put me at ease straight away and we had a great time! Unfortunately due to fixed tickets we left early, so we could squeeze a bit of Covent Garden shopping in before hometime.

It was great testing and injecting with everyone, and Amy fought very hard not to ask everyone what their results were! We even tested her blood sugar just so she didn't feel left out and she got a 4.0, her response was 'OMG I'm nearly hypo, do I need a jelly baby?' :)

We're hopefully going to the Brighton forum meet in July and staying in a hotel overnight so we can stay longer and get more time to chat with everyone. If the weather's as nice as last year then it should be brill!

April's turning out to be a very busy month D-appointment wise! With both my eye-screening and pre-consultant blood test on Tuesday, my actual consultant appointment at the end of the month and my meds review on May 5th! It's great that they all fall before my holiday.. but means about half a day of my lieu day :(  My last HbA1c was 8.4 at the beginning of the year so I'm really hoping for an improvement as I'd had three lots of illness over the Xmas/New Year period. Getting more readings under 10 thanks to my Carb Counting book, and my waking levels are still a little off but getting there, just hope that my hypo's haven't thrown it off too much..

xxx

Pics are from Shelley and Alan at diabetespoetry.blogspot.com  

Disappointment and a close call

Hey folks

So my HbA1c has gone up from 8.1% to 8.4%.

Crap.

I thought it was going to be down a bit, not a massive amount. I just thought it'd have decreased a teeny bit. It would have been a nice early Christmas present for me.

<insert sad face here>

My consultant and DSN said they're pleased to hear I'm carb counting and that my results during the day aren't too bad. I mentioned that I'm waking up in the early teens most mornings so I've been told to up my lantus by a couple of units. They seem to think that this is when my sugars are creeping up... So I'm not going to dwell on my result, I'm going to start increasing my lantus tonight and see what happens tomorrow.

The close call came on the way home from my appointment... 

My friend from work kindly took me and whilst driving we found out the hard way that the dual carriage-way hadn't been gritted at all. We span around twice and ended up facing the oncoming traffic. Luckily there wasn't anyone in the other lane (which most people weren't using as it was covered with slush) and the guy behind us was far enough behind to stop and put his hazard lights on. 

Man I've never been so scared!

No screaming or crying involved but a lot of OMG-ing. Thank god for my friends quick reflexes or it could have been a very different ending. So please be careful when driving! Just because it looks safe doesn't mean it is.

Right a nice cuppa for me now!

xx

When the going gets tough...

Hey folks

Looking forward to Christmas?

I'm not feeling very Christmassy at the minute, work being incredibly busy has got me stressed out and very worn down. Today I've been very quiet and grumpy, wanting my own company. I've not felt 100% for the last week or so and my levels are determined to stick to 11 today as well which is bugging me a lot. Whether its hormones before my 'favourite' time of the month or not I don't know. I'm just fed up of everything.

Diabetes.
Work.
The weather.
All of it :(

I could really use a couple of months of hibernating in the warm.

Gahhh I don't like complaining as I know there are a lot of people who have a harder time with D than me but I need to vent.

Anyway, on a better note, I received some free raspberry glucotabs and berry burst gluco juice samples from Claire at Taste PR which I'll look forward to sampling when my levels start behaving themselves again! Never had glubo tabs before so it'll be interesting to finally try some! I've also got some info which I shall be having a read of later this evening. If you have any questions or would like a sample please contact Claire on claire@taste-pr.com. Thanks again Claire!

Right I'd better be off to do some more reading! Got my 4 monthly check up at the hospital tomorrow afternoon so wish me luck for a lower HbA1c!

xx

*jab* OUCHIES!!!!!!

Hi folks *waves*

Hope you're all well and getting ready for Mr Claus next week! :)

So far I'm having a good week sugar wise, with more readings under 10 (even in the morning!) which I'm really pleased with. Love love love my carb counting book!! I'm remembering stuff now so I can take a rough guess when I'm out & about and I'm not too far off. If you don't own a carb counting book then look at the Amazon widget over here -->

My diabetic spidey senses are starting to work!!!

Anyways back to the point of my blog XP today was my blood test before my 4-monthly checkup at the hospital. Every time I go its a pain in the bum, my arteries sense the needle coming and collapse so it takes more than 2 trips to get any blood out. The nurses have even made a note on the system as to where they struck gold last time! I end up with two badly bruised arms unable to move very well & looking like I'm about to do some techno dancing ¬_¬

Today I got the nurse who is great at getting blood out, sweet little sixty-something year old but boy did she jab that needle in!!!! First time worked and it still hurts now (appointment was 9.30am). Got a nice blood blister that hurts like hell. Totally got worked up before hand & I was in and out within a couple of minutes.

Fingers crossed for a lower HbA1c this time... and that I've lost/maintained my weight since my last visit :)

Can't remember exact numbers but its gone from 9.x -> 7.x -> 8.x

Is it just me or does giving blood make you sleepy? *yawns*

:)

xxx

Must keep eyes open...

Hi folks

How are you all enjoying the snow? I'm very pleased to announce that so far I've not fallen over once! =D

What a week its been so far!

On Tuesday my nice little TV decided to slide off its bracket and scare everyone in the house to death. Me watching it at the time screamed my head off as it crashed on to my desk then floor. Parents thought I'd collapsed and hit my head... so they were yelling and ran upstairs. Didn't know whether to laugh or cry with shock! Sad to say my TV has now croaked it :( no more watching old videos in my room *sulks*

Last night was much calmer - I went with some friends to Northampton to see Ross Noble, which was brilliant! If you don't mind your comedy a little random then definately go and see him. No support act (or weird singer like Jethro) just him. My face hurt soooo much from laughing! Poor guy had a stinking cold but still did a full show and encore, plus any money made from selling merchandise etc went to charity which was really nice.

I managed to get a quick sneaky picture during the interval of his inflatable set

Didn't get home until after midnight so am reaaaallllyyyy sleepy now, trying to stay awake until at least 9 otherwise I'll be bolt upright at 4am!

My sugars are nearly back to normal after Mondays cock up although the weather seems to be affecting my hypo awareness.. I'm walking home from work at lunch to 3.X but not getting any symptoms. Could also be the fact that I'm on the early shift and eating my breakfast earlier than I'm used to. The problem is that if I have a rich tea about 10ish my sugar ends up at 10.X even though I've not eaten since about 7am :( Hopefully I can sort it soon as I don't want my HbA1c dropping just because of hypo's...

Uggh diabetes is such a BIG FAFF.

P.s sign JDRFs petition to increase UK funding for Type 1 Diabetes research here

Uhh Freak Out!

Hi folks

Hope you're all well and not freezing your butts off with all the snow :)

Up until today I've been doing well with my sugars, and have even gotten my 14 day average on my meter down from over 10 to 9.1 and now it's back up to 9.9. All because I went out for Sunday lunch :(

Decided to split my dose before going out as we would be eating a bit later than usual, plus it was a special birthday for my great aunt so they'd be cake/drink etc. Some people had starters so it took over half an hour before food was served so I did get low but then food arrived. Got home to a 10.6 which I was really surprised at. Really loved the food but it made us all very sleepy when we got home.

I had a nap. Not a wise choice.

Checked my sugars and hour and a half later. Care to take a guess?

31.8

I nearly died on the spot. I've never ever had a reading that high, even when I was first diagnosed. I'm so angry and mortified I don't want to tell my parents. Why didn't I test sooner? Why did I think 10.6 would last? Why have I screwed it all up when I was doing okay?
I've done my correction and had a good old cry about it, and am now 10.8. Feel sick everytime I think I let myself get to that, and it's now giving me headache.

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

Was looking forward to my HbA1c next month being lower than the previous one, but I guess not. Going to try as hard as I can to improve my levels in the next 3 weeks to reduce my 14 day average again and reduce my HbA1c.

Think I need to go find some more tissues, so I'll leave you with this... xx