Saturday, 9 March 2013

Supermassive Black Hole

I've been MIA from the blogging world for a few weeks, partly because I had nothing to say and partly because I had so much to say but didn't know how to say it..

The past few months have been bad, with a relationship/friendship ending permanently, relatives being admitted to hospital and going into care homes it's been tough. Surprisingly my Diabetes is doing okay. My sugars, whilst not always in range, are lower and my average has come down to under 9.0mmol. My eye screening results came back clear after signs of background retinopathy last year. So on that front I'm plodding on nicely.

I wish everything else was falling into place as nicely.

My job at the moment isn't a barrel of laughs.. it was once the job that saved me from the hell of my previous job. My old boss was a power hungry control freak who reduced many grown women to tears with her bullying tactics. So my new boss was a godsend! However for the past 9/10 months my boss has been having an extra-marital affair with my colleague. A colleague considerably younger than my boss, and well aware of the spouse and children.

Needless to say none of that matters, particularly at work, where talking about their relationship and everything else is seemingly acceptable. Sounds of kissing, arguments, not talking and god knows what awaits me nearly every day, along with comments and questions from the rest of the company. Working along side this isn't really that pleasant..

My social life has grounded to a complete halt. Losing touch with people who weren't really great friends in the first place has pretty much left me on my own. One friend remains, who I love so much. That friend has their own life away from here though, so I'm pretty lonely. I know it's my fault for not trying harder to stay in touch, it's just hard to do it when people don't bother or keep you as second or third choice for everthing. My parents are always here for me, and have been very supportive over the past few months but it's not the same as having a friend..

I'm trying hard to fight the signs of depression creeping up on me by thinking positive. In a few years my life might be completely different and be the best it's ever been, but right now that feels like a million miles away. The stuff I've already rambled on about doesn't really help. I don't really know what to do, or how to fix it. I just feel like I'm existing, not really living.

So I'm back to trusty blogger to pour it all out into a little white box, then be brave and hit post.