Monday, 16 March 2015

Totes Emosh*

*Don't worry I'm not going to talk like I'm from TOWIE for this entire post

Over the past few days things have been a bit rough, whether I have burnout or not I don't really know. I'm finding odd readings or a low/high is affecting me a great deal emotionally, more than it ever has before. I've had shitty days but within a few hours of being back in range and having a chat, I'm feeling better.

Last week a low on Thursday night after a Chinese meal completely caught me off guard. I haven't been as low as 2.8mmol for quite a while so the following morning I was like a zombie ready to crumble into a heap of tears and tissues... And I did. I felt so out of it I came home and spent most of the afternoon churning over what I'd eaten and the injection amounts (I injected after starters then after mains to avoid going sky high) and each time I bawled my eyes out. John and my parents were at work so the feeling of loneliness only added fuel to the flames. By 6pm I couldn't take anymore and went over to my parents and ended up crying on my Dad. 

We talked for ages about how sudden everything happened with my diagnosis, and that I was in & out of hospital within 24 hours with no designated person to contact for support. My Dad was great, and admitted he doesn't know as much as he should or understand it (to which I said who does!). He suggested that I get in touch with my GP (who is a T1 himself) to see if he can point me in the direction of someone to talk to like a counsellor. 

Whether I should or not is another question, it's hard when you don't have first-hand experience. I'm trying not to think about living with this for the next 60 years, but I can't help it. I'm trying not to think I'm never ever going to get a break from this, but again I can't. At the moment these are always on my mind.

So if you're reading this and you feel the same too, how do you get past this? Or do you just go day-by-day?

P.S If you'd like someone to sit and have a cry with you, I have plenty of tissues :)


Anonymous said...

So sorry to hear you've been having a tough time Emma.
In August of this year I'll have had T1 for 60 years, and apart from some laser surgery for my eyes in 1981 have had no other complications.
Life with diabetes is not a breeze, and I too have gone through days like you describe. But with the support of family and friends, and the understanding of a truly marvellous husband, I'm still trucking along!
Living day to day is the best approach when you're having down periods, and talking from experience so is a good sob and maybe a scream or two :) As well knowing that continuos research and methods of treatment have improved things so much for us, and will continue to do so.
Otherwise for me accepting that this is my life and thus my normal is different from others, staying positive, and talking to others about your feelings.
Good luck and take care. ......Tina

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