Thursday, 14 May 2015

Cleanin' Out My Closet

I'm a day late with this post, but better late than never! :)

The prompt for Post 3 of #DblogWeek is:

Yesterday we kept stuff in, so today let's clear stuff out. What is in your diabetic closet that needs to be cleaned out? This can be an actual physical belonging, or it can be something you're mentally or emotionally hanging on to. Why are you keeping it and why do you need to get rid of it? (Thank you Rick of RA Diabetes for this topic suggestion.)

I must admit I'm a little bit of a meter hoarder, and I even chuck a few test strips in each pot just in case I ever need them! However for this post I need to get rid of a few of the emotional sides of my Diabetes (goodness if it were only this easy!):

At the moment, I'm excited and worried about getting my pump in case it doesn't work for me. Everyone keeps saying 'You haven't even got it yet, don't be so negative'. I CAN'T HELP IT! I'm a worrier, I cam from a long line of stomach churning, finger nail biting, sleep walking worriers!!! I have to be realistic, this super amazing piece of technology might not be my answer.

  • I worry about complications, stubborn high's/lows and the affect it has on my HbA1c
  • I worry about my readings, and what is going on in-between each reading, I don't want to get obsessive with my testing
  • I worry about the emotional toll my diabetes could/may have on my relationship with John, I don't want to be a burden
  • I worry that I'm not mentally strong enough to live with this condition until I'm old and snuff it
  • I worry that my HbA1c is never going to be where it needs to be
  • I worry that I'll end up living with Diabetes rather than Diabetes living with me
For me the second biggest emotion is guilt. Guilt over not being able to go out with John because I have a high/low blood sugar making me feel like shit. I made sure he knew a lot about Diabetes when we'd been dating for a while, and I was very open that I needed someone I could trust to look after my Diabetes should I be unable to for whatever reason and that if he wasn't up for it that then I'd understand and we'd go our separate way. Luckily for me he said yes and we haven't looked back!
  • I feel guilty when I get a high/low blood sugar that I can't explain because I thought I'd injected what was needed
  • I feel guilty when I have a high/low blood sugar whilst I'm out with friends
  • I feel guilty if I forget to swap my insulin cartridge when I'm nearly out, or I almost run out of test strips
  • I feel guilty for getting so emotional over my BG results, and for John having to try and get me back to normal afterwards
  • I feel guilty for my parents worrying about me constantly when we're on holiday together
I'd love to say that these two things are now gone, long forgotten about but sadly they won't be. It does feel good to get it off my chest though!


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