Wednesday, 17 May 2017

DBlogWeek - The Blame Game

On to today’s topic, The Blame Game. Having diabetes often makes a visit to the doctor a dreaded experience, as there is invariably bad news of one kind or another. And sometimes the way the doctor talks to you can leave you feeling like you’re at fault. Or maybe you have a fantastic healthcare team, but have experienced blame and judgement from someone else in your life – friend, loved one, complete stranger. Think about a particularly bad instance, how that person talked to you, the words they used and the conversation you had. Now, the game part. Let’s turn this around. If you could turn that person into a puppet, what would you have them say that would leave you feeling empowered and good about yourself? Let’s help teach people how to support us, rather than blame us!

Sometimes we can be our own biggest critic, blame ourselves for things that our out of our control. That's why Emma has asked me, her husband, to write this one....

I try to encourage Emma to enjoy everyday, and sometimes it backfires and her bloods are high or low. Who's fault is it? No one's, it's sods law! But Emma doesn't always see it like that and will start to blame herself. She can be really hard on herself and say some harsh things about herself. So I try turn it around. It's not that she doesn't believe me, it just takes time to sink in when she's upset. But I think that's the same for all of us. 

So I've tried to write an example of what I would say to her....

"It's not your fault, you haven't spoilt our day. You didn't plan on having a high/low did you? We've had a lovely meal and a nice afternoon together, you've bolused for it. You even did a dual/square on your pump to try and prevent this, so how is it your fault? We could of stayed at home and done nothing, and your bloods could of done just the same thing or they could of done the opposite. How can you ever predict what they are going to do, no two days are ever the same.
Headache? Perhaps we'd better call it a day then. No, you haven't ruined everything. I promise!"

I suppose my message is that you need a lot of patience and understanding to see any good in criticism. But if the patience and understanding are with the critic, then it might sound more like friendly advice and it's easier to take on board. 


Rick said...

My mom used to do this for herself. I adore that you do this.

Pamela Durant said...

You are a great mom :-) It is so important that even if they do not believe it at the time, they hear those messages of positive reinforcement.

Emma said...

It was my husband who wrote the post Pamela but thank you for the comment :)

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