So I've finally decided to bite the bullet and write this post. It's been a few weeks/months coming but hopefully sharing will help... *gulp*
Since getting back off my holiday I've been incredibly D focused, trying to get back on track with my BG levels and feeling more in control of things. I've had the occasional blip along the way with both bad hypo's and one bad hyper a couple of weeks ago but levels are back to pre-holiday.
PHEW!
My moods are yet to return to normal though. Losing control on holiday got me pretty low and upset, it was like I'd gone back to square one after almost two years and I hated it. I was snappy one minute and crying the next in sheer frustration. None of which is great in the Sunshine State and Disneyland where everyone is happy happy happy!
It's not as frequent, but it's still very much there.
Diabetes burnout or depression? Both? I don't know.
I pretty much wake up in a 'black' mood, irritable for no reason, lethargic, introverted and generally not nice to be around. Nothing bad has happened though, it's like waking up on the wrong side of bed as some people say. Little things can set me off, crying, angry and generally feeling alone (even though I know I'm not). Thoughts of living with D for the rest of my life enter my head and I question if I'm strong enough to do it?
Since been diagnosed I got on with it, I didn't really grieve if that makes sense.. I went back to work within a couple of days and that was that. As my parents still don't know a huge amount about my condition I don't really tell them how scared I am sometimes about D and its possible complications..
I'm hoping that the PDAC course next month will help me with my emotions and how to deal with them properly. I'm a bugger for bottling things up and not telling people how I'm feeling. I'm trying though. I try and be open with Amy as much as a can, even though its still a bit alien to me and it does help. Hopefully these 'black moods' will become less and less frequent and will just be a once in a blue moon thing..
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